New Year…New You?

“New Year, New You!” We have all heard that before. Maybe we have even said it ourselves. Perhaps we have even said it to ourselves. Likely with all the best intentions, but when we think about it, how many of us really believe it to be true? 

Most of us start each new year setting lofty goals for ourselves and dreaming up magnificent ideas of what the year ahead may hold. We will finally start that workout plan we have been putting off and take the time to eat healthily - whatever that even means! We will set better boundaries at work and have more time to enjoy doing things we love. We will set boundaries with our friends and families and not allow them to steal our joy from us all the time. We will go on that vacation we have wanted to take for so long….and the list goes on. This year will be perfect! New Year, New You!

But how far does that type of thinking get us? By now January is at an end (or has already ended, depending on when you read this) and we have probably not kept up with all that we set out to do. I for one did not get very far with my intentions to wake up early and go for a run most days…and by not very far I mean not even one day yet! 

Sure, a new year has begun, ripe with new opportunities…but we all know that we are still the same people we were last year. So then why do we feel the need to reinvent ourselves and start over? Why do we feel that we need to change so much to be a success and feel good about ourselves? 

New Year, Kinder You

Instead of “New Year, New You,” maybe we should coin the phrase: “New Year, Kinder You.” I know, it’s not nearly as catchy, but hear me out. Rather than reinventing yourself and starting all over again, why not focus on improving the way you experience life as it comes, with all the ups and downs. No need to start over - keep all of the wisdom and experience you have gained by making it this far in life! That wisdom, along with some self-love, is what can make this year the best one yet.

Perhaps having the best year yet does not have to be about having the perfect year, or being a perfect you. Maybe it doesn’t even have to be about achieving everything that you set out to do! What if having the best year yet could simply be about accepting both the good and the bad and being kind to yourself along the way? Let me explain. 

Recently, my husband and I had to cancel some plans that we had been looking forward to at the last minute. This immediately put me in a bad mood as I focused on all that we would be missing out on. I even started down that rabbit hole of “how could I let this happen?” I was angry that our plans were ruined, but really, I was sad that we could not do what we had planned on doing. My husband, however, was not upset by the sudden change of plans. Instead of focusing on what would be lost, he was looking at what was now possible. He was not angry or sad that things had changed. He was excited to make new plans! Seeing his excitement helped me realize that all was not lost, but I was not yet convinced that a change of plans was such a great thing. 

The Practice of Self-Kindness

Once we both recognized and accepted the sadness over the plans that would no longer be happening, we were able to make new plans that we felt excited about again. If left on my own, no fun new plans would have been made as I would have wallowed in my disappointment. If left on his own, my husband would have ignored his sadness as long as possible until it finally caught up to him. Our plans did not go as originally planned, but in the end, it ended up being a great thing! Accepting the disappointment and sadness we were experiencing allowed us then look forward to what could still go right. We were able to make and enjoy new plans because we had been kind to ourselves when it seemed all was going wrong.

So, what does this have to do with New Year’s resolutions? Whether you are acing it and reaching all of your goals so far, or like me, have already missed your original mark, you can show yourself some kindness too. Start by taking a moment to acknowledge and accept any disappointments and setbacks - it’s ok to feel frustrated and sad if things have not gone as you wanted them to. Then, celebrate every victory, large and small! When things don’t go as planned, look for the opportunities that present themselves. You don’t need to be a different person to make this year a great one, you just need to be kind to yourself along the way.