Self Care: Finding Balance
Most likely you are here because your life as it is right now is not working for you. I am guessing that it works a lot better for everyone around you than it does for you! You tend to be highly focused on others and expend a lot of energy taking care of their needs. The people in your life likely feel very loved and well cared for by you. All of that is not the issue. After all, becoming a cruel, uncaring person is not on your agenda. The issue is that by the end of the day you feel exhausted and have not had a chance to do a single thing for yourself! You are on the edge of burnout. Let’s change that!
As the term suggests, self-care is about making and taking the time to care for yourself. Maybe you’ve heard the saying, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” The same goes for self care. If you are realizing that your life has been out of balance it might take some time to correct that and find the balance that works for you - and that’s ok. Part of self care is learning to be kind to yourself, and that includes extending yourself kindness while you revamp your self care. So, as we jump in, remember to go easy with the self-loathing. Try your best to take it one step at a time, and before you know it you will have built a self care routine that works for you.
I invite you to consider just how off-balance the amount of time and energy you spend on caring for your needs and the time and energy you spend on others are right now. I am going to go out on a limb here and guess that the balance is quite far from being equal. If I am right, no need to panic! Maybe you have been ignoring your own needs for a while now, and maybe you didn’t even realize how bad it had gotten. You knew you were feeling tired and stressed, but you don’t usually stop long enough to see just how much you put everyone else above yourself. Earlier I mentioned that we were going to take this step by step, so let’s dig in!
Step One: Noticing
In order to get anywhere new, we first need to figure out where we are now. We need to notice. Looking at your morning schedule is a great place to begin. When you wake up in the morning how do you feel? Are you waking up rested from getting enough sleep, or do you feel like you could use another few hours in bed? Do you take even 5 minutes to do something that fuels you before you jump into your day? Something like a morning stretch, meditation, prayer, or journaling - perhaps with a cup of coffee or tea? As you get started with your day do you have a sense of, “I’ve got this!,” or a sense of, “how am I going to get through all of this?”
Self-care starts with noticing, so as you know that you have read through those questions, I invite you to notice how you feel. Are you overwhelmed and thinking that you suck at mornings? Do you feel guilty for not having a better morning routine for yourself now? Does reading those questions make you want to give up and just keep doing what you have been doing because at least you know you can handle that? Or perhaps you feel proud of the ways you do care for yourself already or excited about the possibility of growing into these habits. Whichever way you find yourself feeling, noticing is the first step in caring for yourself.
Step Two: Creating Change
Now that you have taken the time to think through your mornings and notice what is working for you and what isn’t, you can move to step two: creating change. Without taking the time for step one the changes you reach for are likely to push you rather from where you want to be, not closer. By taking the time to notice, you can now make an informed decision about what you want to change. Step two is simply to choose one goal to work towards that will begin to tip your current self-care/others-care balance more in your favor.
As you consider what your goal should be, remember that the whole point here is to be kinder to yourself. The point here is not to completely change what your mornings look like (and if you want to start with some other part of your day/routine that is totally fine). The point is to make sustainable change, and that is better done in small, manageable increments. I want you to think about how your mornings are right now and what it is that you need but are not getting. For me, most mornings that is taking five minutes to slow down and check-in with myself before I start the day. Maybe for you, it is hitting snooze on your alarm clock, or taking the time to eat breakfast.
Choose Kindness
Pick something small that feels life-giving to you, not something that feels like a burden. When you think about having this goal as a regular part of your mornings it should feel good. If it doesn’t, that might not be the best place to start. For example, in my wishful thinking, I would love to set the goal of working out every morning. It sounds like something that would be so good for me, but when I actually think about fitting that into my schedule I immediately feel anxious. So, for now, that is not my goal. Maybe one day it will be, but right now taking 5 minutes for myself is a much better place to start. That feels like something that I not only want to do, but something that I can do.
Your goal will probably be different than mine. I am not here to judge what your goal ends up being. The whole point is to move towards noticing what you need, being kind, and taking care of yourself. If you are like me, you might feel like you need to make all of the changes right now, but take it from me - you don’t. In fact, I have learned that starting small is often better in the long run. Focus on one small change until it becomes a natural part of your routine. Then, use that momentum to help you tackle the next small change, and then the next. Rebalancing one small change at a time will help you avoid taking on too much too fast and getting burned out. Remember the feeling of burnout? That was what got you here in the first place, the last thing we want is for self care to become self-sabotage. So start small and keep going. When you have an off day, be kind to yourself. When you have a good day, celebrate! Rome wasn’t built in a day. I believe you are worth the effort!
