Why go to Therapy?
Why should anyone go to therapy? After all, doesn’t everyone have their issues? Why pay someone to listen to you complain for an hour? What difference could it really make?....these are questions that I have heard over and over again. And, I get it! The concept of therapy is a bit hard to justify - that is if you think therapy is what I described above. You can complain to your parent, partner, friend, or even bartender for much cheaper, so why not do that? What is it about therapy that is so different than talking to anyone else?
Your family and friends can provide you with wonderful support at times (at other times they might be more of a source of your stress!) And yes, even talking with your hairstylist, barista, or bartender can offer you a sense of connection with others, and maybe even a sense of being seen and cared for. When you can open up about what you are experiencing to someone else and they are able to lovingly listen to your experience, it can bring a sense of relief. So, if you can find connection, being seen and cared for, and even feel some relief just by talking to someone, why go to therapy?
Therapy is not simply airing your grievances and hoping that will make you feel better. Therapy is about going deeper with someone who can hold a safe space for you and help guide your journey. It can feel great when someone “gets” that you feel upset about something, but unless you take the time to understand why you are upset, nothing is really going to improve. When you complain to the people around you, it might feel better for a little while, but the patterns that made you upset are likely to continue. And, if you are not careful, you might end up straining your relationship with too much of this type of sharing.
When you bring an issue up in therapy, you have the chance to do more than just “complain.” When working with a therapist you are taking an intentional step to better understand what is going on for you. Why did it upset you so much when your Mom made that remark? Why weren’t you able to just shake it off like your sister seemed to? What can make it so that you can stand to spend time with your Mom at the next holiday gathering and not want to scream every time she opens her mouth? Your friends might be able to empathize with how crazy your Mom can be, and they might even have a few ideas of what you can do next time. But, more than likely, they are not helping you reach a deeper level of understanding of what is going on.
Therapy is about having a safe space to explore your internal experiences. Most people don’t take enough time to do that, and many don’t even know how to. For many people emotions seem scary so they push them away. You might do that because you were taught to push through, not feel, and not show weakness. When you are able to slow down and check out what is really happening inside, you can learn a lot about yourself. Being able to allow yourself to experience feelings that you have always avoided can be truly healing.
Therapy is about experiencing something that may be new: being accepted just as you are, flaws and all. Having someone who accepts and understands the sides of you that you try so hard to keep hidden from the rest of the world puts you on your own path towards accepting those parts of yourself. When you no longer have to hide or explain away your feelings, you have space to be your full self. Therapy is about being fully accepted by someone else and growing to accept your full self as well. In therapy you have the opportunity to grow in genuine kindness to yourself as you become more comfortable with the thoughts and feelings that you have kept hidden for so long. As you do this work, you can also discover and replace those automatic negative messages you so often believed in the past.
There is so much more to say about what therapy is, but I will just add this for now. Therapy is also about working with someone who has training and resources to come along side you with all you are going through. It is working with someone who can see your experience from a perspective that you and your friends cannot - a perspective built from working with many clients who have been through similar, and different, experiences than yours. It is about working with someone who has completed years of education, training, and personal work in order to do this work well. It is not just sharing your life story with the person sitting closest to you at the bar, it is working with someone who is trained to help you and who works with people just like you to overcome what they are going through and come out stronger.
Therapy should always be a safe space for you. It should never feel coercive or abusive. While it might challenge you at times, this should be done from a place of support. If you have experienced something different, I am truly sorry you had to go through that, and I am glad you are here seeking to learn more. If therapy sounds like something that you would like to try, send me a message! I would love to help you get started on your journey!
