What is Attachment Trauma in Adults?
Attachment trauma occurs when there is a disruption in the relationship between a child and their caregivers. Individuals who have experienced attachment trauma are often impacted by depression and anxiety and struggle to form healthy relationships with others. The effects of attachment trauma can be lifelong when not addressed; however, they can be minimized and even reversed through intentional healing.
What is Attachment?
Babies are born reliant on their caregivers for all of their needs. They cannot feed themselves, find shelter, or keep themselves safe. When a need arises, their only form of communication, at first, is through sounds, facial expressions, and body movement. They must rely on their caregivers to correctly interpret their limited communication and give them what they need. Infants, babies, and children need care in the form of food, water, shelter, and clothing, and they also need care in the form of comfort, affection, and play.
When caregivers can meet their baby's needs consistently enough, the infant comes to learn that the caregiver is reliable and that their needs are important and worthy of attention. That experience forms a foundation of deep personal beliefs about how they and the world around them work: I am ok (my needs are not too much), and you are ok (other people can be trusted). Caregivers do not have to meet every cry and gesture immediately with the perfect solution for this to happen, but there needs to be consistent care for the baby. Children that develop these beliefs are securely attached to their caregivers.
When caregivers are inconsistent, unreliable, or otherwise unsafe in how they respond to the baby's needs, the infant learns a different message about themselves and the world around them. Instead of developing an internal sense of, "I am ok, you are ok," they determine that belief is untrue. They may come to know "I am not ok" (my needs are too much or not worthy of attention), "you are not ok" (you cannot meet my needs), or both. When a child develops one or both of these beliefs, they form an insecure attachment to the caregiver.
What is Trauma?
Trauma is generally thought of as extreme situations an individual or group may experience that bring negative psychological, emotional, and physical impacts. Severe car accidents, rape, and natural disasters may come to mind. Incidents such as these are not trauma but can be possible causes of trauma. Trauma is an emotional response to an incident or series of events that cause emotional distress or threaten the safety and livelihood of a person. Trauma can adversely affect physical, social, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being.
When an individual is exposed to something that causes trauma, their nervous system moves into survival mode. This might look like gearing the body and mind up to prepare for possible action (running away or fighting off the danger), or it could look like slowing the system down to endure the situation (hiding, becoming numb, or dissociating). However, the effects of trauma become a lasting impact when that individual cannot return to a state of safety, is not comforted and supported by the people in their life, or continues to experience events that trigger their body into survival mode. Attachment trauma is a specific form of trauma that happens within the relationship between child and caregiver.
How Does Trauma Impact Attachment?
Attachment trauma results from an infant or child suffering a traumatic experience and not having their resulting needs met by their caregiver. Children can experience trauma, just like anyone else. However, general traumas can lead to attachment trauma when the bond between the child and caregiver does not provide the comfort, safety, care, and affection that a child needs in response to a traumatic event. One or two incidents of unmet needs may not result in attachment trauma, but continuous or consistently unmet needs likely will.
Attachment trauma may result when caregivers consistently fail to keep children safe from harm, provide unreliable care, fail to comfort the child, or are a source of fear. A child exposed to inconsistent or unsafe care cannot trust their caregiver, and may not learn to trust themselves. The care a child receives impacts not only their relationship with their caregiver and themselves but their relationship with everyone else.
Signs of Attachment Trauma in Adults
Common signs of attachment trauma include increased susceptibility to stress, trouble regulating emotions, difficulty sleeping, difficulty with attention, and social isolation. Attachment trauma can also result in mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, personality, and dissociative disorders. Anxiety and shame are the two most common signs of attachment trauma I see with my clients.
Anxiety - an adult with unresolved attachment trauma may experience higher levels of anxiety. This is due to their nervous system becoming stuck or easily triggered into survival mode. They are constantly undergoing a higher stress response because they have come to know that the world is not a safe place and they do not have the same resources to respond to stressors with: they either cannot trust themselves to meet their needs, cannot trust others to meet their needs, or both.
Shame - adults with unresolved attachment trauma may experience higher levels of shame. Shame is the internalization of a sense of wrongness, i.e., something bad does not happen to you because things went wrong but because you deserved it in some way. This can result from a child receiving the message from their caregivers that they were the cause of the traumas that happened to them.
This is not an exhaustive list of how attachment trauma can appear for adults, but some ones to consider. If you know or suspect you may have experienced attachment trauma as a child, these symptoms do not have to be your reality forever. It is possible to heal from attachment trauma and move into a secure attachment style. Stay tuned for next month's blog to discuss how to heal from attachment trauma. If you are seeking a therapist to help you work through your attachment trauma, click the Start Today button above.
