2 Tips for Highly Sensitive Persons (HSP)
Perhaps, like me, you did not learn you were a Highly Sensitive Person until you were an adult and you are slowly making adjustments so that your life better fits who you are. Or maybe someone close to you is HSP and you are doing your best to learn more about what that means and how to support them. In either case, I would love to share with you 2 tips I have learned along the way about how to structure my life to fit who I am as an HSP.
Self-Care Should Not Be A Chore
As a therapist, I am often working with my clients to help them discover what forms of self-care will work best for them. Handing out a list of 30 ideas will not have the desired positive impact if it only leaves them feeling overwhelmed. Instead, we talk about the things that feel life-giving to them and discuss ways to make them a regular part of their routine. Someone who does not enjoy being outside is not likely to go on a daily walk, and someone who hates being cooped up inside will likely not get much out of curling up to read for an hour a day. When self-care feels like a chore or obligation, it very likely is not relaxing or rejuvenating. This takes away from the very purpose of the activities by turning things that should be beneficial into things that drain us. When someone allows themselves to lean into their personality when choosing self-care options they are much more likely to experience positive results.
One hallmark of HSPs is the need for more downtime. Since highly sensitive people are taking in more, feeling more, and thinking more, they are affected more by subtleties and more easily overwhelmed. All of this means that their systems have a greater need for opportunities to slow down and rest. This also means that many something that feels restful to a non-HSP may not be restful at all to an HSP. And of course, even within the HSP community, there is much variability in how self-care looks. While I thrive in a clean environment, the act of cleaning is definitely a chore for me. Vacuuming, in particular, is not on my self-care list. It is too loud and I get overwhelmed by noticing every single tiny dust particle that needs cleaning. Luckily for me, my husband finds vacuuming meditative. For him, taking time to vacuum fits into self-care, not because of the impact a clean environment has on him, but because the act of vacuuming itself feels monotonous in a calming way.
The problem many of my clients run into when trying to make self-care a part of their daily routine is that they tend to Google “ideal routines” and “the best self-care activities” without taking into consideration who they are as an individual. Another problem I often see is trying to change too much at once. Both of these are recipes for self-care that will soon be abandoned. When the changes do not align with their likes and needs they will be harder to sustain. I advise clients to start small with one thing that they can easily fit into their current lifestyle, and start with something that they truly love doing, not something they think should be good for them. Maybe that thing is doing a face mask, buying a quality coffee to start their mornings with, or taking 5 minutes in the middle of their day to meditate. Or maybe it’s nothing like these ideas. What matters is that they can accomplish the activity and genuinely look forward to it. It might take some trial and error to figure out what those activities are, but it is worth the effort to discover self-care that is truly effective.
2. Make Uncomfortable Situations Bearable
Environment and surroundings impact HSPs more than most people. There is nothing wrong with this, that is just part of being a highly sensitive person. Highly Sensitive Persons notice little things that go completely missed by many others. Their systems are constantly processing more, and processing more deeply. There will be many instances where HSPs will be overwhelmed by what is around them, and at times may feel uncomfortable when non-HSPs appear to be fine. If there are too many people around, the lights are too bright, the air is too hot or cold, or loud or startling noises, HSPs are going to notice. Even if they do not want these things to affect them, they likely will. Experiencing a lot of changes, being in new and unfamiliar situations, learning something new, or having their skills or knowledge evaluated are also things that may be more taxing on HSPs than others.
Self-Care is not only about specific activities that a person can do that will help them feel renewed. It is also about showing oneself kindness throughout the day. When starting to feel uncomfortable in an environment or situation, self-care is looking for ways to better. HSPs can show themselves kindness by finding a seat in the corner of a crowded room so that they do not have to pay attention to all 360 degrees around them. Or kindness could mean putting their earbuds in and listening to their favorite music or podcast when transitioning from one place or activity to the next. For me, it often means making sure that I am wearing clothes that I feel really comfortable in that also do not make me feel that I stick out like a sore thumb and draw attention to myself as a result. I also love wearing my noise-reduction earplugs whenever I am anywhere that is noisy. Making an effort to turn a situation or environment from uncomfortable to something that can be more easily tolerated gives HSPs’ over-active systems a small break. These small breaks add up and result in highly sensitive persons crossing the threshold of what they can handle less frequently, resulting in experiencing less overwhelm.
I hope you find these tips helpful. Stay tuned next month for some more tips. And, as always, if you are looking to work with a therapist who understands what it means to be a highly sensitive person, click here to contact me about getting started.
