How To Do More Self Care
Many of us are very good at taking care of those around us, but not so great at our own self care. Perhaps this is true of you? You always know how to cheer others up and are the person your friends and family go to when things get tough. Responsible is your middle name, and you always live up to it! Letting others down is not an option. In fact, you even find ways to stop problems from arising for others by fixing things before they have a chance to become issues. You know, like that time you steered your coworkers’ conversation away from the topic you knew was sure to press Susie’s buttons and end up in a disagreement? Or when you planned a wine night with your friends as soon as one of them mentioned the upcoming monthiversary of their breakup to make sure they wouldn’t be alone? Or how about the masterful way you’ve learned to keep everyone busy at family gatherings to ensure the day doesn’t end in one big blowup? You go to great lengths to make sure that the people around you are happy no matter what the situation is. You are excellent at caring for others, but, have forgotten how to care for yourself?
Does This Sound Like You?
When you leave those family gatherings are you exhausted and telling yourself that next time you’ll fake being sick rather than subject yourself to another chaotic day, even though you know you’d never do that? Do you ever have to cover a sigh at work when you know you’re about to keep the peace between coworkers yet again? Are you often left feeling like your friends feel very loved by you but none of them even know what you are struggling with? Call it people-pleasing, poor boundaries, or just the way you are. There is no room for self care because you’ve spent all of your energy on everyone else. When your radar is constantly tuned in on everyone but yourself you’ll soon be left running on fumes. Perhaps that is where you are right now and why you are reading this post. If so, I hope you will keep reading.
Maybe you learned at an early age that making sure your family members were each happy was the best way for you to live in peace. Soon, this lesson carried over into school - whether that looked like pleasing your teachers or taking care of your friend group. And naturally, that carried over into your career as well with you being known as an amazing team player. You likely get through the day just fine and do all of the things you are expected to do, so what else can you ask for? As long as the people around you are happy with you and you are getting things done, shouldn’t you be satisfied with that? It might be easy to think this way, but I invite you to stop and answer this question: are you truly satisfied with your life the way it is right now? Do you have enough self care? If you answered yes, feel free to stop reading. However, if you answered no, I have good news for you. There is another way to live!
What To Do
Before continuing, I do want to clarify something. Caring for others is not a bad thing! Being thoughtful, a team player, someone others can count on, are wonderful qualities. I do not want you to feel that you need to completely change who you are in order to make this work - that is not what I want for you at all! Self care does not mean that you forget about everyone else, it’s about finding a balance. You can be a kind and caring person to others and also to yourself! That is my hope for you - that in reading this you will not let go of the part of you that cares for other people - but you will also tune into yourself to find out ways you can show that same kindness to you. I will be sharing more about how to do this in the rest of this series, but I invite you to start right now.
Begin with Mindfulness
Take 2-3 minutes to sit quietly with yourself. Turn off that podcast or playlist, or at least play some mellow background music instead. Try to focus just on you for right now. Notice the thoughts running through your head. Notice them and see if you can let them go - like a cloud floating by in the sky. Try not to reach out and grab it, instead just watch while it passes by you. Then, take a moment to focus on your breathing. Whenever a distracting thought pops up simply bring your attention gently back to your breathing. And, after spending a few moments there, expand your awareness to your body and notice if anything has changed from when you began. That’s it! Congratulations! You have officially started down the road to more self care. Caring for yourself starts with noticing - noticing what’s on your mind, noticing how your body feels, noticing the things that might be affecting you. Only after noticing can you know the kind of care you need. We will get into that more later, but for now, you can be proud you took the time to slow down and notice - that alone is a great way to show kindness to yourself.
Before You Go
If you found that exercise challenging, that is totally ok! When we are not used to tuning into ourselves it can feel strange, maybe even a little scary. With practice, you will soon find it much easier to slow your thoughts and focus on yourself. Sometimes trying something like this might bring up a lot of anxiety or unwanted thoughts, if this happened to you I would encourage you to reach out to a therapist. You can schedule a free consultation call with me here.
Congratulations on starting your new self care journey!
